2007
January

Most of our work in the Diocese of Tucson's Safe Environment Program focuses on protection of children and youth and those who work with them. But there is another special constituency whose safety is of great concern: "vulnerable adults."  This concern is reflected in the name of my office: Office of Child, Adolescent and Adult Protection.
"Vulnerable adults" can include any adult to whom individual or intensive ministry or parish service is provided. However, most often when we use this term, we rightly think of those among our elders who are physically or mentally impaired.
These precious members of our community are vulnerable to all the various forms of abuse, exploitation or neglect. In addition, they are vulnerable to neglect. Not surprisingly, self-neglect involving a person in his or her own home is the most common problem encountered by agencies whose mission it is to help elders in trouble.
Although these types of problems are not uncommon, they are not easy to spot. For shame or fear, many elders tend to hide their problems. As people who minister to them, we must be on the lookout for signs and symptoms of abuse, exploitation or neglect.
The signs and symptoms are too many to review here, but there's an excellent resource at www.helpguide.org/mental/elder_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm.
What should you do if you think that an elder may be the victim of abuse or exploitation or if you think an elder might be suffering from neglect?
First, build a relationship with the person. Be reassuring. Don't charge in like the cavalry unless there truly is an emergency.
Second, ask questions. Make them open-ended questions. Allow the elder to respond with a story or two; this is often the most comfortable way for them to express what they want to share.
Third, be aware of family disputes. This is one of the most common sources of false reports of abuse. Try to be sure that the elder has the opportunity to speak for himself or herself, if possible.
Finally, seek expert help in any situation involving a "vulnerable adult" that makes you uncomfortable or gives you reasonable cause to believe abuse is taking place.
Adult Protective Services (www.azdes.gov/aaa/apsciu/default.asp) is available for consultation and intervention. You can seek this expert help or make a report at 877-767-2385.

2007
February

My heart aches each time I am asked for reassurance or guidance by parents of a child who has suffered some kind of trauma. I can see the concern written on their faces and hear it in their voices as they ask, "Will my child get over this? Is my child's life ruined?"
I struggle for an answer, knowing there is no simple or certain reply to their deeply felt questions.
On the other hand, with sensitivity and by acknowledging that I cannot predict the future, I do try to find a way to share the good news that trauma in childhood does not inevitably mean a life of unending trouble. 
In the first place, trauma of one type or another is the norm. All people experience some kind of trauma in the course of their lives and many do so as children.
It is also true that trauma causes suffering. Each experience varies in intensity, but just as trauma is the norm, suffering from trauma is not optional. It never makes sense to tell another person to "get over it" or "forget about it."
But, the idea that we will never be able to work through the trauma or integrate it in a healthy way is simply not true. The long term impact of trauma varies widely. Scientists have observed that some persons, some even without professional help, can cope effectively.
Why should that be? Why are some children more "resilient" in the face of trauma? Can parents do anything to help a child become more resilient?
The answers to these questions remain elusive, but let me borrow from a recent article in Harvard Mental Health Letter that explored the subject.
In part, the differences among children may be biological in nature. This information is "cold comfort" for most, since one cannot control the biological predisposition; one has or does not have the protective biological qualities.
Fortunately, psychological and social factors also play a role. The characteristics that seem to be protective include: caring and competent adults to support the child; ability and confidence to talk about feelings; healthy self-esteem; and a sense of personal competence.
As parents and grandparents, we can do a great deal to insure that our children have social support from the family and, although children vary significantly in personality, we can also influence their confidence and foster an ability to talk about feelings.
What do I advise parents to do when children experience trauma?
Respond as calmly as you are able. If the trauma involves criminal behavior, make the report to law enforcement promptly. Then, turn to your child, putting aside your own emotions and opinions as much as possible, and invite him or her to talk to you. Listen well, and in the listening give concrete evidence of how much your love over-reaches whatever has happened. Encourage the child in healthy coping and arrange for professional assistance for the family.
There is one truth we all must live with: we cannot prevent all harm to our children and grandchildren, even as we seek to create safe environments for them.
That said, we can always help them deal with trauma so that the chances of long-term harm are much less.

2007
March

Something very innovative and commendable is taking place in our efforts to create and maintain safe environments for children at all our parishes and schools.
This innovation that I think deserves commendation has to do with the "compliance representative" – the person in each of our parishes and schools who is the primary liaison with my office for the purpose of helping our pastors or principals maintain a safe environment for children.
The innovation is a shift from a single compliance representative to a group of persons who are concerned with all the tasks necessary to maintain a safe environment.
How did this innovation come about?
First, in our trainings, we began to make the point that no compliance representative could accomplish everything in respect to our Safe Environment Program alone.
The compliance representative always serves as a consultant to the pastor or principal, who is ultimately responsible for the well being of all. In addition, and especially when the compliance representative is a volunteer, we recognized that office staff are critical in maintaining records and facilitating communication between parish and school, on the one hand, and my office on the other.
Second, as compliance officers gained experience and confidence, it became a matter of course in larger parishes that some of the day-to-day work of keeping track of screening, providing education and monitoring supervision could be delegated productively to ministry leaders.
Perhaps it was only to be expected that the next development would be the formation of safe environment committees or work groups.
While the initial motivation to form these groups clearly was to share the work, other benefits can result.
A committee, team or work group insures that when one person leaves the parish or takes time away from this work there will be others who already know the work intimately. A new person can be integrated into the team with minimal difficulty. This is the essence of continuity in an organization.
In the committee, team or work group model, several persons are aware of and involved in all aspects of the plan and procedures. Looking over each other's shoulders, so to speak, they help each other to avoid oversights, to think through problems and to eliminate gaps in coverage due to planned or unplanned absences. Ordinary people can accomplish even a very difficult task when they watch out for each other.
Over time, the involvement of several persons in maintaining the safe environment program makes it more likely that the plan will be maintained and enhanced, even as key people leave the parish or school. Continuity is built into a communal effort.
And, when a group works together well, creative ideas are more likely to emerge and the gifts of each member are more likely to be seen, appreciated and implemented.
For instance, some people have insights and talents in carrying out the screening process. Others are educators, whether of adults, children or teenagers. Still others have particular talents in arranging supervision systems, record keeping or reporting.
This innovation of a team approach prompts me to issue an invitation: Join the team!
Make sure you know who is your parish or school compliance officer. Get to know the parish or school safe environment plan. Offer your support in whatever way will be most helpful in terms of the needs of the parish or school and the gifts you have been given.

2007
April

It seems there are special months for everything. Given the large number of competing good causes, you may wonder about the usefulness of dedicating a month even to an important one.
Yet, for anyone who holds a person or a cause to be important, a regular time for remembering is most valuable. It is exactly the same when we honor birthdays or anniversaries of persons we love or admire. It is somewhat the same when we pray through the recurring seasons of the liturgical calendar.
In our country, this month of April is recognized as Child Abuse Prevention Month. For our Diocese, it is a fitting time to review the progress we have made in keeping children safe from abuse in our parishes and schools and to rededicate ourselves to what we first called "our common commitment" when began our child abuse awareness and prevention efforts in 2003.
We have made great strides in these four years.
In the Diocese of Tucson, all personnel are called on to actively collaborate with law enforcement agencies and Child Protective Services to protect our children. When there is a reasonable suspicion that a child may be harmed, all personnel are expected and required to make a report.
We are committed to annual education as a means to increase empathy with those who have been harmed and to help us become ever more aware, knowledgeable and courageous when circumstances call for a response.
We are careful in delegating authority. All personnel are to go through a process of review prior to being given an assignment and any person who is given responsibility that involves a high level of trust goes through a criminal history check.
We organize activities and supervise personnel thoughtfully. Because no screening process is foolproof and because imprudent behavior can subject even an innocent person to false allegations, we strive continually to develop ways of carrying out important ministry that minimize risks.
All of this is good news. We have taken a bad situation and learned from it. We have responded not only to the immediate problem, but we have gone beyond the minimum to allow ourselves to be transformed.
We are part of the solution in our communities.
One of the important contributions the Diocese has made to the community at large is its support of the Southern Arizona Children's Advocacy Center.
The Center protects and supports children throughout Southern Arizona. Working in collaboration with law enforcement and other governmental agencies, the Center assists in carrying out investigations without further trauma to the child, provides support to families in crisis and educates to prevent harm to children.
In their own communities, the parishes and schools of the Diocese have forged positive and collaborative relationships with law enforcement and social service agencies to augment and support efforts for child abuse prevention and awareness.
These are achievements for which we gladly give God thanks and praise in this Child Abuse Prevention Month.
But, as we look back, we also look forward.
April is the perfect time to remember and reflect the bottom line of why we do what we do: to protect children from harm.
It is a good month for renewing our commitment and for bolstering the resolve of those who may be forgetting how things were.

2007
May

I have received some inquiries recently from parishes about how to organize childcare during worship or other meetings. In particular, there have been questions about allowing adolescents to care for young children while their parents are at Mass.
I do understand that we all have used teenagers for childcare in our homes. They can be great babysitters!
But in the parish or school setting, I want all to understand why allowing teens to care for children must be handled more carefully.
The reality is, while we love our teens, they are not yet grown.
Even in our homes, we are more likely now than 50 years ago to interview the teenager and to expect some previous training in childcare. We are more likely now to provide for some type of supervision or at least to listen carefully to how our children react on our return.
We should not be so naïve as to think there is no risk in allowing older children to care for younger children. One of the most troubling statistics I know indicates that sexual misconduct by minors is one of the fastest growing aspects of child abuse.
A recent report, for example, found that 40 percent of abuse reports (all types of abuse) involved minors as perpetrators.
Here in the Diocese of Tucson, we have not been immune from this regretful phenomenon.
So, what do we do?
The first step is to take the issue seriously. Too often, I have heard that some parents have reacted dismissively when the parish or school compliance representative suggested a more systematic approach to childcare.
Once that hurdle is crossed, it is really just a matter of applying the same basic principles that guide us in all areas of the Safe Environment Program: good screening, regular education and careful supervision.
Of these three, perhaps the most important is supervision.
Most basically, supervision is thinking about how the childcare will be organized to decrease the likelihood of adverse consequences for child, caretaker and parish.
Supervision includes clear rules for caretakers regarding what to do and what not to do. It also includes determining who is to provide the on-site leadership to make sure rules are followed and problems are managed appropriately.
Obviously, good supervision requires that adults be involved. Adults are important in planning; adults are important in implementing the plan.
In a few cases, I have been told that requiring adult supervision is not realistic because adults are not volunteering. I have been told that in some of our parishes parents seem to want the service provided by teens who watch over children while they are at Mass, but are not willing to help to provide it by sharing in the responsibility for supervision.
That situation will not work.
It is better not to provide a service than to provide it in such a way that children, caretakers and parish are placed at risk. 
For the sake of the children, for the sake of the teens, for the sake of the parish, give your support to the parish leaders who must face this challenge.
If you want childcare, help to organize and provide it.
And, if your pastor decides not to offer childcare because it cannot be provided safely, support him in that decision.

2007
June

As much as we adults – parents and caregivers – may want to give our children around-the-clock protection, we know that just isn't possible or realistic. But even though we can't be with our children at all times to offer protection, it is possible and realistic to weave a web of safety on their behalf.
Children and youth can play an effective role in weaving that web of safety.  
To enhance our young people's ability to play their part in their own safety, the Personal Safety Curriculum for Children and Youth was developed for our diocesan Safe Environment Program and disseminated about one year ago.
In the course of the past year, we have received many positive comments about this curriculum. For those parishes and schools that have adopted it, the delivery of personal safety education has become much more efficient and effective. One pastor even told us that the public school administration in one of our fast-growing counties has adapted it for use with its students.
Clearly, we were blessed to have the leadership of fine educators and the generosity of others that allowed us to build on previously developed materials to craft this curriculum. Just as clearly, we must continue our efforts to improve the delivery of this curriculum.
I know that some parishes have few, if any, professional educators among their catechists. Although most have employed the "resource teacher" model to present the sessions effectively, it remains important to build the confidence and competence of all catechists to speak to the children in their care about personal safety.
The importance of this work was re-emphasized just last month with the release of the report of the Safe Environment Work Group directed by the USCCB to study personal safety education for children and youth.
The work group recognized that parents are indeed the primary educators of their children, but parents do not fulfill this responsibility in a vacuum.
Most parents know that they need help in fulfilling this role. That is the very reason they send their children for religious education. In addition, parents are busy. We recognize this as one of the reasons it is so hard to get a substantial representation of parents to attend educational programs. 
Among the recommendations of the work group are annual education in personal safety for children and youth at each grade level and ongoing training for teachers in how to present the material at levels appropriate to the age and maturity of the children.
With the development and dissemination of the Personal Safety Curriculum, we have already taken steps to realize those goals. The curriculum provides an ever-refreshed series of classes for children from pre-kindergarten through eighth grade. By promoting the integration of personal safety education within ongoing religious education, it allows us to reach more children and to provide personal safety education in manner that is consistent with our faith.
We will continue to build on the foundation we have laid. Three things are very much in our mind as we begin to prepare for the next school year.
We will look for more opportunities to speak with religious education teachers in our parishes and schools about how personal safety can be taught and reinforced in the classroom.
We will seek to develop a more comprehensive list on the Safe Environment Program Resources Website Page (www.diocesetucson.org/SEP.html) of videos that can be used to support that teaching.
We will continue to promote creative approaches to teaching parents, grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles how they can maintain a safe environment for their young ones.
The message is simple: we want our children to know that if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe, they can speak up, and keep speaking up until someone helps them sort it out.
Despite its simplicity, to be effective the message must be delivered in a manner appropriate to the recipient, offered to all members of our community, and repeated in many contexts.
Look for opportunities to help your parish and school deliver this message. Encourage the education of parents and children about personal safety for children and youth.
We all have so much to gain by insuring the well being of our future.

2007
August

It has been five years since the bishops of the U.S. approved the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People.
A great deal has happened since June 14, 2002, yet a recent survey indicated that only 17 percent of active Catholics in the U.S know what the bishops put into place on that momentous day to keep children safe from abuse by workers for the Church.
That survey result seems almost unbelievable to those of us who are involved every day in the work of implementing the Charter's requirements.
I hope that the percentage would be greater in the Diocese of Tucson.
Yet, as I reflected on what message that national statistic might be sending us, I remembered that those most likely to know what our Church has been doing – regular volunteers and employees – together make up less than five percent of the membership of the Diocese.
What about the rest, I wondered?
If a majority of those who attend Mass in the parishes of our Diocese are unaware of our diocesan Safe Environment Program, it follows that they cannot actively support its implementation and enhancement. They may even see and resist the program's requirements for fingerprinting and background checks for all employees and volunteers as bureaucratic red tape.
The response to the sexual abuse crisis has been a process of transformation in our Church.
Our diocesan Safe Environment Program is the result of an unflinching analysis of what went wrong and an untiring effort to develop a systematic process that will prevent the recurrence of what went wrong.
This effort is sustained by the faith that if we do our best, despite our failings and weakness, God will make it more than enough.
Beyond the functional impact of not knowing what is being done, (i.e., the inability to support the Safe Environment Program), can ignorance of this transformational process be healthy for the faith of the people and the health of the community? It seems to me not.
In fact, ignorance of and lack of involvement with such a monumental process of transformation must result in an emotional distance from the core of the community. It leads to a vulnerability to being influenced more by the critics of Church than by its leadership and becoming cynical and distrustful of those leaders.
Just as when a family goes through a crisis, those who are involved are bound more closely together. Those who keep a distance grow apart.
This year, I hope that all of us in leadership positions in our Diocese will make a concerted effort to speak to the people about what has happened and continues to happen in our Church to promote the safety of those we serve, especially the children and youth, and those who serve. 
We who are active in the Church stand together in common commitment. We must win the hearts of the people who are less involved in the everyday work of the Church to keep children safe from harm.
At a minimum, we must convey the breadth and depth of the effort to ensure that the leaders of our Church are healthy, safe and loving servants.
Beyond that, I dream of the day that our people and the whole community will think of us as a Church that stands out for its protection of children, youth and vulnerable adults.
I dream of the day that our Church is known not only for protecting its own, but for its outreach and involvement with other religious bodies and with civic authorities to promote the health and safety of children throughout our communities.
That day is dawning. Our surrender in humility to the process of transformation in the wake of our own mistakes is allowing us, the Body of Christ, to be formed as a powerful servant of the common good for all children and families.
This column itself is part of our effort to educate. I thank you for reading it.
If you are a leader in the Church, and that includes every employee and volunteer at whatever level, I ask you to redouble your efforts to communicate to the parish and school what we are doing.
If you are among the 83 percent of Catholics who don't know what the Church and our Diocese are doing to keep children safe, please ask questions about the Safe Environment Program at your parish and school and seek out information in classes or on our diocesan Website, www.diocesetucson.org, under "Child Protection."
When it comes to protecting children and youth, all of us are parents in the broad sense of the term.

2007
September

A few years ago, I wrote a column in praise of volunteers. I pointed out that the number of volunteers overwhelms the number of any other category of workers in the Church. I opined that we could not operate our ministries, particularly in the parishes, without volunteers.
More recently, I did a little more math. The total number of volunteers is large, but the percentage of Catholics in the Diocese who volunteer is less than five per cent. This demonstrates that not only are volunteers a critical group of people, they are an elite group.
Just a few weeks ago, I had occasion to reflect on this area again when a former volunteer used a columnist in a local newspaper to vent anger at the Safe Environment Program. This former volunteer took offense at being asked to undergo screening and education to prevent abuse. The columnist speculated as to what ulterior motive might be motivating the Diocese to recommend such procedures to the parishes and schools.
It was not the complaint that was most amazing to me. Rather, it occurred to me how seldom I hear such remarks now. In the beginning, there was a small group that voiced irritation; some, a yet smaller number, actually left volunteer service because of it. But, in the last two years, such issues almost never come up.
Our volunteers are generous. There is certainly no external gain beyond the gratitude and admiration of those they serve. Their service is given in a true spirit of caring.
Springing from this generosity, our volunteers give freely. There is no grudging quality to their giving, nor is there an attitude of "you owe me."
When we asked volunteers to step up a notch in meeting new standards of screening and education, they responded by and large with a great sense of commitment and pride in themselves and their Church.
Clearly, these are good people. They know that they would not harm a child or anyone else they serve.
At the same time, they know that if good people are not willing to adhere to clear standards of selection, education and behavior, a fog is created that makes it harder to spot persons who come with bad intentions or who might slip into temptation. 
They know that if good people don't keep clear boundaries, then children will be taken by surprise when a person with evil intent violates boundaries and adults of good will are less likely to notice that there is a problem.
I say "Thank you!" to all of those good persons who give their time and talent. I say "Thank you!" to all of you who support our Safe Environment Program by example.
You make us proud, and you help us keep our Church growing as an institution that others look to for help in addressing the wider problem of harm to children and families.

2007
October

'Teaching little ones to protect themselves is important'

Not long ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Vivian Anderson of Santa Catalina Parish. Vivian is one of the many wonderful volunteers I wrote about last month who freely give of their talents in support of our efforts to keep children safe from abuse through our diocesan Safe Environment Program.
What really caught my ear in our conversation was her sharing of her experience with the Personal Safety Curriculum for Children and Youth. As she spoke, it occurred to me that her experience could be an inspiration to others.
I invited Vivian to write about her experience so that I could further share it in this column. Here's what she wrote:
This past spring, when I was asked to teach our diocesan Safe Environment Program to our kindergarten CCD class, I was a little nervous. Sure, I have a background in risk-reduction education for adults, but teaching personal safety to a classroom full of children – and their parents – is a different matter entirely!
In preparation, I studied the teacher's guide and the course materials carefully, making sure I understood all of the details. I found that the course was constructed to teach critical safety information in an age-appropriate manner. It distills the most important instructions into a few easily remembered words that children will be able to recall easily should they ever need to seek help. I began to relax a little as I studied because the instructions were very clear and helpful.
Still, it was with some trepidation that I sat before the trusting class of bright-eyed five-year-olds. Together, we reviewed the course information. They asked some of the best questions I've ever heard. They grasped the information easily, and when asked to repeat what they should do in case of emergency, they were able to repeat the instructions perfectly. They were some of the best students I've ever taught!
As I reflected later on the experience, it became perfectly clear to me that out of a long, active career in health education, teaching these little ones to protect themselves was one of the most important things I've ever done. In fact, I hope they invite me again next year.
Our Safe Environment Program asks us to provide our children and grandchildren with information that helps them formulate a simple but effective plan of action in case of trouble and to help them identify adults in their immediate circle that they can trust and confide in if they have a problem.
If you are asked to help with this program in your parish, please consider it prayerfully. You will be asked to submit to reference and criminal background checks to assure that you have no record of child abuse. This is just another precaution that our Diocese has adopted to protect our most precious resource – our children.  
They deserve nothing less.
Thank you so much, Vivian, for sharing your experience with us. Thank you especially for sharing your gifts in service of our children. All I can think to add is a big "Amen!"

2007
November

'Kindness in Speech'
The common denominators of our diocesan Safe Environment Program's annual education for all employees and volunteers, regardless of what role they have, are of the Code of Conduct and the mandated reporting law of the State of Arizona.
I have a high degree of confidence that the requirements of the mandated reporting law receive the emphasis they deserve in this annual education.
However, I have the feeling that the Code of Conduct is the kind of document that many people read once and thereafter, thinking they know it, might skim over lightly. 
In fact, the Code bears repeated reading and careful reflection. It contains many important elements. The element of the Code that I want to emphasize this month is its encouragement of kindness in interactions with others.
To that point, the Code says,  "…the Diocese of Tucson expects its members to respect in all ways the sanctity of every human being. This respect is expressed in refraining from uncharitable speech about other persons and, with other persons, courtesy in discourse. Courtesy is especially important in the face of anger, resentment, mistrust and like emotions we might receive from others."
The Code goes on to point out that this admonition is a basic Christian virtue, found in "the Gospel message of dignity, respect and obedience to the commandments of the Church."'
You can find essentially this same message, more beautifully expressed, in the fourth chapter of Ephesians. Check it out.
Kindness and respectfulness in conversation are particularly critical virtues among those in authority over others. The harm that can be done through harshness by those in leadership is hard to overstate.
In addition, it is fair to say that the modeling of kindness in their conversations by leaders of the Church has never been more important than in the present time.
We live in a time of crisis and reformation. A recent survey of self-identified Catholics found that 91 per cent believed that the reputation of the Catholic Church has been hurt in recent years by the sexual abuse scandal.
Many of the respondents are keeping a distance from the Church; 58 per cent said that they attended Mass "a few times per year" or less.
The view they hold of our leaders has also suffered. For example, almost 70 per cent believe that a priest is just as likely to sexual abuse a child as is any other man, a painful statistic when we consider that they are speaking of a select group who are the most theologically educated and formed within the Church.
It is humbling.
Which, as it turns out, can be a good thing. When we allow ourselves to be humbled, the humility leads naturally to greater kindness, empathy and respectfulness in relationship.
Whatever your role might be, whether it is one of service to the Catholic community or simply one of being present as a member of a parish, I urge you to remember the importance of kindness in your dealings with others, within the Church and outside it. '
I urge you to read the Code of Conduct and to reflect on those passages that have to do with kindness in conversation.
(You can find the code at www.diocesetucson.org/codeofconduct.html.)'
In next month's column, I will write about one of the most common impediments to living out this good intention – poorly managed anger.

2007
December

Poorly Managed Anger
Last month, I wrote about an important element in the Code of Conduct that guides the behavior of all who minister in the Diocese of Tucson – kindness.
I ended that column with a reference to one of the most common impediments to living out the good intention to be kind – poorly managed anger.
Anger itself is not the problem. Anger is a normal emotion that occurs often in everyone's life. Anger may reflect a righteous response to an injustice or it may manifest a personal failing, but it is not in itself a problem.
Poorly managed anger, however, does become a problem. According to a recent newsletter from United Healthcare, chronic anger has long-term health consequences, especially for the cardiovascular system.
Poorly managed anger has more than one face. To be sure, one face is that of the person who frequently responds with irritation that is reflected in words and actions.
Two others, however, are also not uncommon. One that is unmistakable is the person who seethes with indirectly expressed resentment. This individual, marked by negativity, eventually pays a heavy price in physical or mental health.
The most difficult to pick out is the individual who is almost always very nice, even to the point to being excessively accommodating. The anger becomes evident only on occasion and usually in the form of a shocking blow up. The anger is so much out of character that the individual ends up apologizing and others simply shake their heads in wonderment. Only over time does the pattern become clear.
Clearly, the solution to each of these anger problems must be unique to the type and the person; however, if you or someone you know struggles with poorly controlled anger, there are a few first steps anyone can take.
The first is to become aware of the anger. Ironically, if you simply try to control the anger it will get worse. Humble acknowledgement of the problem and your inability to manage it well actually moves you closer to the solution.
The second step is to become more conscious of the thoughts that trigger the anger. Often, these thoughts are so habitual that you no longer consciously process them. Usually, they are very negative appraisals of others in particular or in general.
These thoughts have been repeated so often that they seem unquestionably true. In fact, they seldom bear any relationship to external reality; they are simply a projection of your internal state.
When you begin to realize this state of affairs, as ugly as it may be, you have the opportunity to begin to critically question yourself. You may even find the courage to expose your inner thoughts to the scrutiny of a trusted other person.
When the thoughts begin to change, anger becomes more appropriate and proportionate to particular situations. Anger then can serve its role as a healthy human emotion and its destructive impact on health and relationship is mitigated.
The course of change is slow. Old habits die hard. Paul wrote in Romans "For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want."
If you set out on this journey of change, be careful not to become distracted or discouraged. Share the journey with a close friend or even a therapist. Take your failings to prayer.
In the end, the results will be a grace for you and for all those you serve.